HELLO. This is more for me than it is for you. These usually are.
I have nothing to report. Nothing, of course, meaning probably a great number of things that I am going to avoid consciously, relevant topics including (but not limited to):
1. Why I never resolved the angst-fests that were my blog posts from summer school in Michigan. (Too many feelings.)
2. Why I never resolved the angst-fest that was my recovery from my semester in South Africa. (Feelings.)
3. Why I never really blog at all anymore. (Disinterest. More pressing commitments. Feelings.)
Nutshell resolution: actual problems require a lot of vulnerability if you're going to plop them down on the dinner table for everyone to sniff and criticize and stick their forks into.
Does this mean I don't trust you? Probably.
If that offends you, you may abandon the boat. I will be proceeding.
This is something I have been able to find a strain of positiveness (positivity? Is that not a word?) in: I have been a senior in college for (by credits, nine months, but by years) six days! Almost a WEEK. Now, every time some chapel speaker or individual of university-related power mentions the date May 4th, my heart disconnects itself from my circulatory system and threatens to beat so fast that I consider fainting, which would be embarrassing, because I'm usually just sitting around. This is also strange because I just checked the date May 4th, and it is a Monday, and I am fairly positive I will be graduating on a Saturday. They have definitely been saying May 4th, though. Hm.
I suppose May 2nd is most likely the actual Day of Reckoning. Especially since I have just checked the all-powerful calendar, and that is what it says.
How mysterious.
Also, can you tell I'm living with people who utilize vocabulary skills for things other than facades of superiority? The rapidity of their influence is honestly kind of alarming. But they are nice. They are Sarah and Mikaela. And Nicole (round three!) but we already knew she was nice and eloquent and relatable, or at least I did. Hopefully you inferred it.
Considering that great snippet of truth, "You learn something new every day," I decided that maybe it was a good day to force my learnings on you. And in that regard, take it as you like it. At this point, I have nothing to lose until some unidentified date in early May.
SOME CONCEPTUALIZATIONS THAT HAVE RECENTLY ARISEN, OF VARYING SIGNIFICANCE.
Firstly, concerning food, this is the most important thing I have learned thus far: any purchase of spinach is a race against the clock. I buy my own spinach, and there is so much in there that it almost always wilts before you can eat it all...sad. In an effort to be less wasteful, I have been eating it on every sandwich and before every dinner. The bad news is that I'm slowly turning green. The good news is that anemia is nowhere near a concern anymore. Today I threw a handful into my soup. Which brings me to my next statement: eat soup whenever the crud you want. Or sandwiches. Or box macaroni. Never be ashamed of your food. We are all just trying to survive. I once had people comment on how much water I was drinking, and it was then I decided that if my hydration is under speculation, I do not care anymore. And you don't have to always follow my lead on everything, but...you shouldn't either. I mean, care, but...don't. You know? Okay.
Live with people who laugh freely and cause you to do the same. That is what I am doing, and every day is an adventure. Of words, obviously, but also of recollections and dinners and coffee-drinkings and theoretical futures. On the same note, live with people who are okay with you crying in movies. Because feelings are important. Also, About Time is a good movie (which, admittedly, contains bad words and sexy things, so don't attack me after letting your twelve-year-old watch it on my recommendation: I warned you). Live with people who don't judge you for what you eat. This refers back to previous statements.
Keep yourself clean. You don't have to shower every day (#drought), and you don't have to hold your living space to the status of immaculaticity (not at all even close to a word), but you should know how to keep your things together on a regular enough basis that you don't have to launch full-scale invasions against your belongings or your hygiene practices.
Learn to let crap go.
That's really it.
I guess that deserves elaboration.
I mean this in a small scale and in a large scale. There are some aspects of life that are really just #notworthit to fight about, and I guess no one has to do what I do, but it would be fabulous if we could all just adopt my policy on this. Stop valiantly defending your hairline preferences that do not matter (rule of thumb: fluids. Are there tears? Blood? Inordinate amounts of sweat? Is someone dead? That one is important. If so, these things matter).
The things that are worth fighting over/about/concerning are things that can be discussed, for sure, civilly, but if the end is less than ideal then do yourself a favor and bury the dang shovel. Honestly, some people are awful. I like to think that there is good in everyone, but that in no way means that everyone is worth your obsessive devotion. Not everyone is going to come through for you. (IT HAPPENS. It's completely normal for humans to decide to pursue matters of other importance over other things, including friendships. It can be handled according to various methodologies, but...that's not something I want to get into right now.) But guess what? Some things work out. Some people will come through. And they make it worth it, because they know you are worth it.
Just because a story didn't have a happy ending doesn't mean it had to end in chaotic destruction, and just because you have been hurt does not mean you have to turn into one of those crazy old people with scary beards who mutters all the time about the depths of their bitterness.
Eventually, you are going to have to decide what in life actually matters to you, and if I may be so bold (format pun) as to make a suggestion, your peace of mind/quality of life/generic brand of sanity should be one of those things. If you can handle anxiety like a boss, this may be an easier task for you, but if anxiety regularly swallows you whole like boa constrictors are known to swallow their various specimens of prey, you may have to cut a few cords. Drop a class. Quit an insignificant part-time job. Send back the tiny kitten you are hiding from your RA (editor's note: we are not hiding a tiny kitten from our RA. Not to say that I have not ever done that, because I definitely have and am not sorry for it, but that is not currently the case, as Sarah is very allergic to cats of all ages). Kittens take up a lot of time, especially if they are evil and have to be bottle-fed.
Some things that could end up actually mattering: exercise, education, people with whom you are bound by the bonds of love, friendship, and/or blood, your dreams, getting enough sleep, eating a good breakfast, fighting for the underprivileged, kittens that are not evil (also known as puppies), your art, your heart, God, the drought, the planet. And despite how exhaustive this list appears, there could even be a few more.
The good thing is that despite the popular opinion of those on campus, we actually have options. And a fat wad of time.
that is all.
happiest of Tuesdays.
(fin, for consistency.)
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