I'll still write one. Um. First of all,
MAY I JUST SAY THIS TOOK SO FRIGGIN' LONG TO WRITE. AND I DELETED HALF OF IT AND HAD TO WRITE IT AGAIN. AND I HAD TO CHANGE THE SPACING. THREE TIMES.
Secondly, I know a lot of things I say when I get home sound kind of weird, because my family doesn't speak what's known as "college lingo." (It's actually not known as that at all.) And truth be told, there's a lot of underlying subtleties in the things we say and the phrases we just throw around, and for the benefit of those who were in college "back when dinosaurs roamed the earth,"
(can I just say something? Yes I can. It's my blog. I know all adults use that phrase for the sake of being funny and relating themselves to younger people, and I'm sure it was funny a long time ago, but...no. I'm sorry if I sound like a jerk; I just think it would be way cooler if you would actually call us whippersnappers like you're supposed to. Okay. I'm done. Not really. I still have a whole post left.)
I composed a comprehensive...ish...list of those easily misinterpreted statements for the sake of the generation gap or some fluffy world peace situation.
I also would like to say thank you to my roommates and friends that I texted for ideas. You guys rock my world.
Enjoy.
The Big Fat College Dictionary of Common Phrases and Their Implications and Why We Use Them*.
*(probably overactive hormones)
Baller
-individual; either extremely classy or ridiculously loaded.
Can You Save Me A Seat In Chapel?
-I’m testing our friendship.
Cafeteria Food
-most likely the same thing it was yesterday.
Curfew
-meaning unknown.
Correcting An Essay
-writing an essay for someone else.
Don't Tell Anyone
-their roommates will know by the end of the week.
DTR
-define the relationship.
-the only reason a boy and a girl could ever sit on a bench together.
Fifteen Minutes
-the allotted amount of time between you waking up and your class on the other campus starting.
Fifteen Page Paper
-due tomorrow.
-you haven’t started.
-neither has anyone else in your class.
French Fries
-dinner.
Girl to Guy Ratio
-number of eligible bachelors, likelihood of finding love, how many other women you have to kill off in order to put the odds in your favor, etc.
Good Night’s Sleep
-I took a nap yesterday.
Hit Me Up
-send me an electronic form of communication.
-I am willing to bet money no one over the age of 25 knew what that meant and until right now thought it was dirty.
Honors Program
-people who got the same grades and did the same things as you in high school taking basically the same classes, but with bragging rights and professors with cooler names.
How Many Units Are You Taking?
-how much better am I than you?
I Still Have Homework
-it’s probably midnight.
-see Story of My Life.
Just Friends
(this is a tricky one)
-JUST FRIENDS.
I Have A Car
-by default, I have more friends than you.
Lab
-suck.
Lab Partner
-your new best friend who might spill hydrochloric acid on you.
Library
-where you go when you’re better than your friends.
Like Your Prof?
-how is sucking up working for you?
-see Prof.
Mother
-the only person you text anymore.
MRS Degree
-judgmental slang for a young woman who wants to find a husband in college, often used as a way of making yourself feel better for not having a boyfriend.
-MRS = Mrs. For those of you who no comprendo. See also Ring By Spring.
Naps
-a source of infinite delight.
-I’m too cool to say more.
Pedestrian
-someone who walks across the street in front of cars, at least twenty feet away from a crosswalk, with no respect for law, safety, or dignity.
Pre-Med/Pre-Law
-THESE ARE NOT MAJORS. THEY ARE A LIST OF PREREQUISITE CLASSES NEEDED TO GET INTO SELECTIVE GRADUATE SCHOOLS. NOT MAJORS. NOT. MAJORS.
Prof
-professor of lazy students.
Ring By Spring
-graduating with a brain and a hubby.
-what your parents did.
-what your parents tell you not to worry about.
Roofing
-climbing on roofs.
-climbing on rooves.
Roommate
-extra source of laundry money.
Story Of My Life
-something idiots say when they relate to each other.
Swag
-meaning uncertain, but I have it.
Totes Dorbs
-a phrase meaning, “I think I’m just as cute as the thing I’m describing, but I’m wrong.”
Totes Presh
-see Totes Dorbs.
Tuition Money
-your Christmas present.
Transportation
-your feet.
-a trolley.
-a scooter. (hipster definition)
-a longboard. (surfer definition)
Two Minutes
-what you thought was ten minutes in high school.
Urge To Liturge
-a strong desire to attend a more traditional form of chapel. (phrase coined by my particular university)
Walk Of Shame
-anything attempted after tripping in public.
-apparently this definition was not enough for some of my readers who don't go to my school. In their context, "walk of shame" can also refer to the exit of another dorm room, usually after significant amounts of alcohol have induced inappropriate or unrememberable behavior.
What’s Good Tonight?
-are we partying later, or can I stay home and nap?
What’s Your Major?
-can we actually be friends?
Writing An Essay
-Facebooking, texting, skyping, emailing, planning out your schedule for the next seven semesters, taking a shower, and dropping out.
Yeah You Are!
-vague encouragement.
--------------------------------------------
I thought I'd include some major-related stereotypes as well and in the process insult everyone I know.
Applied Health major
-ex-biology major.
Art Major
-has all the talents you wish you had, but is certifiably crazy.
Biology Major
-pariah.
Biochemistry Major
-snobby biology major.
Business Major
-anyone who actually got a relevant job after graduating.
Chemistry Major
-we have those?
Christian Ministries Major
-social work major for Jesus.
Communications Major
-the brunt of the humor.
Computer Science Major
-0100010 0111000 010 11110.
English Major
-my friend's mom calls them unemployment collectors.
Film Major
-hipster.
Foreign Language Major
-missionary kid.
Global Studies Major
-who knows?
History Major
-your future professor.
Liberal Studies Major
-MRS degree.
Math Major
-cooler than you expected.
Music Major
-incredibly stressed out person.
Nursing Major
-those people in scrubs that no one actually knows.
Philosophy Major
-whoever you want them to be.
Physics Major
-what you expected the math majors to be like.
Political Science Major
-future presidents and burger flippers united.
Psychology Major
-everyone else.
Social Work Major
-nice person.
Sociology Major
-someone who is studying sociology.
Theater Major
-no comment.
