One of my friends told me a while back that my blog was my form of release, and that I shouldn't be ashamed of it. Another friend told me today that they missed my posts and wanted to hear more. And in a couple weeks, my theology professor will probably tell me that I could have done way better on my midterm. But there are a couple of things I need to address.
First of all, I think it's absolutely ridiculous that I've been in college almost two months and people are already in relationships and planning marriage. We're eighteen years old--still drastically hormonal--how are we supposed to be making these decisions already?! We are like heroic baby lizards, slowly emerging from underneath a big rock of refuge, surveying the desert landscape for the first time, warming up under the hot sun, hearing the far off cries of predatory eagles and embarking on our first searches for oblivious crunchy insects! We have no time to go lay eggs! What are you thinking!?
Secondly, aside from that one time I explained God using clams, that was probably the best analogy I've ever come up with.
Dating stresses me out. Not that I've ever done it. That might actually be why it stresses me out. I think people just make this huge deal about it and then complain about not having boyfriends and then go and get boyfriends when they could be doing way better things than dating boyfriends. Like writing a blog. Without a boyfriend. And not caring about boyfriends. And not even thinking about boyfriends. Or wondering why they've never had a boyfriend. Ever. Ever ever ever ever. But I prefer the approach of learning valuable life skills, like........
1. Typing with a box of Wheat Thins on your head. Actually the box is empty. But I'm really good at it. Not that this is about me.
2. Whistling. It's not as widespread a talent as you think. Someone's bound to be super jell.
3. Develop a hypothetical writing style, such as talking about yourself being single without letting on that it's actually about you.
4. Catching the Wheat Thins box when it falls off of your head.
The possibilities are really quite endless.
But being completely honest, the whole "GET A BOYFRIEND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" mentality is not just taking up emotional energy and depriving us of valuable life-skill-developing time. It's affecting the social environment.
(WARNING: Author develops bad mood right about...now.)
The girls I knew in high school were giddy and nervous and at the most maybe a wee bit conniving when Sadie Hawkins rolled around. Now that I'm in college and have encountered older and more experienced young women, I don't even know why we have a Sadie's anymore, because I feel like setting wolverines loose on the campus would end up being less destructive, and might even save money.
The state of females that I will be encountering in the next few weeks makes me worried. I have rubbed my temples nervously, sighed heavily and facepalmed abundantly already. Sure, there are some chill girls who are kind of half and half on the whole thing. And there are girls who are already dating people and are by default not involved in this nonsense. And though to some the "ring by spring" mentality may be a bother, it really only freaks me out about how old I am. What disturbs me (and quite honestly, makes me want to throw chairs out of windows) are the girls who say "OH MY GOSH. 'Ring by spring' is sooooooo needy. I'm so above that. I don't need or want a husband right now because I have so much stuff in my life I need to get in order and I want to start a career and become a feminist and travel and blah blah blah!!" *triumphant stance* And if you think that, then I respect you. And I support you. And I will believe you, once you stop making eyes and hitting on and desperately clinging to every guy you've spoken to since you got here. Seriously, at least the "needy" ones are being honest.
aslgha;elifjcalenalkgalkdfngrk.
I don't know how to finish this with dignity. So I won't try, and I'll just finish with this. To my homegirls who are feeling lonesome and who are wondering why things are the way they are: being single is secretly really cool. You have better things to do while you wait. When I see you, I see a person who has dignity and self-respect. Which is quite a feat, because, a lot of girls are ranked in my brain right now under "angry pterodactyl." Don't hate on your life because all your friends have/have had boyfriends and you don't/never have had/think you will become a cat lady. Cats are super awesome.
And so are you.
