Actually, that's a little extreme. I won't hurt you. Even if I tried, I'm pretty shrimpy, and I haven't even looked at a workout machine since high school. I haven't used one either, to eliminate the possibility of me exercising blindfolded. I also have these things called inhibitions that choke me when I get angry, and therefore the cruel comments and the hapless yelling and even the mean texts are prohibited by my all-powerful filter, even when they're worded perfectly and would nail the point home better than anything I would ever say again. Nope. Not on your life. Save them to the Drafts folder and look at them when you're hormonal.
That being said, if if I tried to punch you, my arm would probably whip back at my face and break my own nose.
That's a good place to start. I hate to see people hurting. When I do let myself throw caution to the wind (I lied about the filter's omnipotence) and say something...straightforward (rude), I regret it within a span of 2.5 nanoseconds, and feel guilty for about 2.5 years, and finally forget about it...OH WAIT I don't. And I have a lot to feel guilty for this week.
I'm tired of arguing with people and taking everything personally. I'm also sick of feeling apathetic...I'm also not sure if that sentence is logical. But what is logical!? Because if I'm going by how everyone else is feeling, I'm being completely logical, because everyone I know is one or more of the following:
- Stressed.
- Angry.
- Overwhelmed.
- Touchy.
- Sleepy.
- Fighting off gastroenteritis.
- Constantly complaining.
And HUZZAH! SO AM I! LOOK AT US! WE ARE THE FUTURE.
Listen.
I'm not an expert.
I'm not that wise.
I'm completely guilty of everything on that list and everything I said I'm not guilty of in the second paragraph.
But this is not okay.
In light of the lack of okayness, and because of the desperation we are all undergoing, and through the lens of the reminder that I really am not thinking rationally and you can't hold me completely accountable for this because I'm malnourished...
Some Tips For Finals/Dead Week.
1. You are not going to die.
Contrary to the universally accepted title of "Dead Week," no one actually dies, and neither will you. Anyone who has ever gone kaput while studying has done so due to an unrelated medical condition. Stay healthy and don't push yourself too far, but chill the frick out, because quite honestly, I'm getting sick of hearing everyone use that phraseology.
2. You are not going to care in ten years.
Actually, you aren't going to care in ten months. Stop treating yourself like you're an application to grad school. You deserve so much better - in fact (don't freak out), you deserve to be happy. WHAT!? I KNOW! Weird, right? You deserve to take care of yourself and appreciate your surroundings, and, most importantly, to respect where you are right now. You'll figure out life. Well, okay. You won't. But you'll figure out enough of it. If you get a B in Philosophy, you're not going to end up a homeless pigeon lady.
3. You still need to eat. You still need to sleep.
I say this because I keep having inconvenient revelations about what an unhealthy place college is. First of all, you're under a lot of pressure to constantly do better. You're stressed. You're surrounded by stressors that remind you of your stress and consequently cause you more stress. You're on a time constraint, meaning that you end up sacrificing things like working out, sleeping, or eating healthy, all of which are pretty stellar for your immune system. And you know what else is at college? Sick people in close quarters and relatively unsanitary apartments due to their lack of desire to clean the bathroom. When you get to the point where your health is your second priority, you might need to reprioritize.
I recognize this is coming from a girl for whom the only reason she was late one time to OChem because she was throwing up in the library bathroom. I'm not saying it was a good decision. Maybe your week will force you to pull stunts like that, but make sure you take the best care of yourself you can.
4. Do not let what other people are saying about their crap influence how you see it.
If you feel confident about this test, if you think you've studied enough already, if you have that gut intuition that maybe an all nighter would do more harm than good, then block your ears and let them verbally process their ish. You don't have to stress because other people are in a panic.
Trust me, this one's sneaky. All of everyone I have any class with seems to have this self-confidence thing where they feel great about a test and then someone, in passing, maybe not even in the same class as we are, or the same school, will say, "Oh, I don't know, the Scantron part was really hard," and all the way home they'll think, "I literally got every question on the test wrong. Oh my gosh. I literally failed because of the multiple choice. UGH. That Scantron..."
My friends say literally a lot. Interestingly enough, they also get A's a lot.
I bet you're not super different.
5. Do not let this be an excuse to treat other people like they don't matter.
This is more of an apology to everyone I know...which could serve as a warning? I don't know. There is a point to which we are all on an edge and about to lose our minds over it, but there is also a point where you cross the borders of respect. Neither way is a good way. I know it's hard, but I bet you'll feel better about it later.
6. Your academic prowess and motivation does not give you an excuse to complain more.
I am allowed to say this because I live every day of my life (except Thursdays and weekends) surrounded by biology majors. Yes. Some of them have a wonderful outlook on the future and a realistic motivation that doesn't hurt them and a true love for what they're doing. But some are hanging on to fishing line, hoping that maybe if they pull hard enough they can reel in Johns Hopkins, but if they don't, they'll starve to death, because they didn't pack anything else to eat, and they're on a rickety boat in the middle of the ocean.
I'm not saying that it's a bad thing to want to go to grad school and to have a concern for your future and your career goals. That's flipping wonderful.
It's a BAD THING when I can talk to an English major (probably complaining, honestly; we're all in this together) about a test I have tomorrow, and they'll say, "Oh, that one with fifty diseases and ten pages of notes on the immune system?"
Guys, really? We don't even have classes on the same campus. And all of them know our problems. We whine more than any other major, without competition. I don't care if you're pre-med or scared about grad school or convinced that you're in the hardest class offered at this college, we are not better than anyone. I'm sure there are hundreds of people who would love to see us struggle through a Music Theory class, and you know what we would do?
COMPLAIN.
7. Seriously, take it ONE thing at a time.
Stop stop stop stop STOP reminding yourself of things. Make a list, a complete, thorough all-encompassing list, and let it sit on your desk for reference so you can stop bringing it up to yourself. Most of you don't know this, but the back of your mind is a wonderful place for this stuff to be! And when I say back, I actually mean the back. Because when people say the back of the mind, it's usually involved with the sentence, "You've been in the back of my mind all day," which translated means, "I learned as much in class as I would have if I was asleep because I was dreaming about your abs."
Anyyywayyyy...something tells me that all the effort and stress and hours you've spent talking about it aren't going to let you completely forget about it. Okay? So pick a thing and go hard on it and then eat a pop tart and switch gears! Enough with the double dipping. And I don't know if I can say this, but really, enough with the worrying. I have this theory that if you keep listing out all the crap you have going on for people, especially in the context of, "I have to do ALL THIS by NEXT WEEK," you're going to feel worse and worse about it every time.
Anyyywayyyy...something tells me that all the effort and stress and hours you've spent talking about it aren't going to let you completely forget about it. Okay? So pick a thing and go hard on it and then eat a pop tart and switch gears! Enough with the double dipping. And I don't know if I can say this, but really, enough with the worrying. I have this theory that if you keep listing out all the crap you have going on for people, especially in the context of, "I have to do ALL THIS by NEXT WEEK," you're going to feel worse and worse about it every time.
Chill pill.
8. Do not feel bad about isolating yourself.
If you study better without people...leave the people.
9. Please stop whining over how little you're getting done.
Every time you decide to go on Hulu instead of do homework or sleep instead of write your paper or make gourmet dinners instead of studying for your Micro final, you are consciously - CONSCIOUSLY - making a decision to do one thing over the other. And the things you decide not to do may not be necessarily bad. If you decide that you're going to, hypothetically, write a blog post instead of writing your book report on Knocking on Heaven's Door, you are thinking, "I am going to write a blog post instead of a book report on Knocking on Heaven's Door." I don't understand, but it sounds like some people think they become possessed by this unproductive demon that sits there and controls their hands so they click on the wrong internet sites and then wake up four hours later confused and unintentionally procrastinating. YOU ARE ON THE INTERNET RIGHT NOW. You are thinking, "I am going to read Lydia's blog instead of study for this test." And I'm not angry that you are doing these things! They are wonderful things! Eat! Sleep! Do it for fun or as a break or for whatever reason inspires you. But recognize that your priorities are what they are, and that your needs will have to be fulfilled on the schedule that you put yourself into, and that whatever time you spend doing things other than studying is YOUR FAULT.
And also recognize that you are also going to consciously make the decision to get frustrated and whine about it instead of studying after the whole deal. So you could also stop getting so pointlessly frustrated with yourself and move on.
Okay? So cook! Finish this post! Pin to your travel board after you're done! But don't get upset with yourself for doing it. Fricking do it on purpose and party while you're at it.
10. Someone within earshot has more to do than you do.
First of all, I'm not sure if I care how much you have to do at all. It depends on the tone of voice you approach me with. Sassiness may be appreciated. Desperation and groaning and diva-esque-ity, I will probably turn around and walk away. No, I won't, because that's disrespectful. But it's also disrespectful to assume you're the only person struggling. And to talk about it like your world is crashing harder than someone else's... I dunno. Maybe think about that before you push them over the edge, because you may run into that person who has a test and a paper and a presentation in every one of their seven classes. And that would be awkward.
And you know what? It's disrespectful even if you do have more than they do, because maybe inferiority isn't a mindset that would be super beneficial to them now. Or, like, ever. But surely not during finals week.
Finally, avoid the, "Oh my week is easy after I finish this," phrase. I'm happy for you if this is true. But odds are, another person who is also in earshot has everything going on next week and might tell all his friends in his class, and then you have a lynch mob outside your apartment...and no one wants that.
11. Stress isn't all bad. But some of it is.
A lot of people employ stress as a way of motivating themselves. This is super nifty. It's a reminder that they have things to get done and that they need to be done on time, and it helps them kick into gear. This is a good thing. It's not uncommon and not something to be hated on.
A lot of people take stress and blow it up like a balloon and then spend hours ranting or lying around muttering confusedly (I do this a lot; I promise I'm not crazy) to get rid of it. This doesn't work, and it's also very bad for you, and as a side bonus, you tend to not get much done. And you get sick! And you lose motivation because you're angry at yourself...and you fail all your classes and die.
For further reference, the "Ned's Declassifed School Survival Guide" episode on stress is golden. Some medical and psychological studies could be just as helpful.
--
I know this week and next week are awful and that I am an awful person for saying these things. It's okay if you disregard me because I threatened to strange you; you probably deserve it. But please please please please please please stop beating yourself up. You are worth more than your grades. I will say it again, more emphatically.
YOU ARE WORTH MORE THAN YOUR GRADES.
Calm down.
Breathe in...
...
...
...
...and breathe out.
You're almost there.
fin.
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